By Gail Rognan
I have written off and on all my life. My Mom used to tell me growing up that I was a good writer but the underlying message was, don’t take the gift seriously. You must be a responsible person with a regular 9 to 5 job.
Writing was my way to authenticity, of knowing my relationship with the world. It was my way of getting out my truths. But my family didn’t like talking about our secrets and truths so when I shared some of my writing with my Mom as an adult that showed our family secrets, it upset her a great deal. She bombarded me with phone calls and questions and would not leave me alone. She tried to silence me with her guilt trips and I would stop writing for a while.
My desire to write and get my truths out would re-surface again after a while, showing me I had to risk my mother’s disapproval to follow my destiny. Writing helped me understand myself and heal myself from my family’s dysfunctions. I write because it helps me remember who I really am and love myself unconditionally. It keeps me away from death’s door but also lets me make peace with death and know that when it does come, I will have fulfilled my destiny and can leave this earth complete.
If I truly wonder if I only had a few years left to live, what would I truly want my life to look like? I would be running a successful speaking business, sharing my story with groups of people. I would be writing and publishing more books and doing reiki on myself, animals and people. I would live a simple life. I would be debt-free. I would be surrounded by people who are doing similar things in life. When I feel that tension and start worrying about money again, I will trust God to provide because he always has. I will work through the tension and stay the course. Even if I have decades left to live, I want to spend those years doing what I came here to do. No more detours, side trips, excuses, distractions.
By facing the fact that I am going to die at some point, I have learned that often I will not get my way. That life is crazy, beautiful, unpredictable and sometimes horrible. And yet, it is also sometimes glorious and sweet. I can continue to live with unresolved problems and still feel joy. I can live with the fact that everything passes away, especially the people and animals I love that I couldn’t live without. I am still here for a reason so I’d better step up and make the most of what time I do have left. There is no more time to put off doing what I was put on earth to do. This is the time.